golden girl, "Grey Lady" 03/24/00

A good portion of this circle of friends did not know Emilie.  She was, as I said, a truly "golden girl" - not because she married an Asplundh, since Emilie's love, support and inspiration went a long way toward helping those brothers forge the success they did;  not because she had wealth, because all it did was add just an bit more flair to an already enriched life;  not because of the accolades, because to her being of service was honor in itself.

How many of you know that Emilie was a "Grey Lady" at Abington Hospital, one of those marvelous volunteers who did so much to brighten patients' lives?   

We Lockharts have our very own "grey lady,"  who (if legend is to be believed, and it is always more fun to believe than not) was trained by Emilie herself.  That is BENITA, a wonderful grey hippopotamus hand puppet.  Mim gave her to me over twenty years ago.  Ever since my partial mastectomy, back in 1980, Benita accompanies me on every hospital stay.  Recently, she came with  me for extensive pre-admin testing. 

Whenever someone asks about her,  I explain, "She's a 'grey lady' and is here to give me comfort."  The nurses take it all in stride.  

Full circle brings it back to Emilie and the good she did for all those years.  I suppose that if Elsa had been able to attend Emilie's memorial yesterday, Benita would have insisted on going too.  Like Emilie, she looks just soft and pretty, but don't be fooled!

Am heading up the wooden hill.  Love to all – KRL

EKA 03/23/00

Emilie's license plate - EKA.  Emilie Kessel Asplundh.  I have been

drifting through a lifetime of memories, spending this - the day of her memorial service - in smiles of remembrance.

Of being an elementary school student, back in the late teens or early '20s.  I was a fifth grader coming down the Pike from Sorrel Horse.  Back then, the elementary school, high school and college were all on the campus that is just the high school now.  Lorna Johnstone (to be Hicks), Emilie's dearest friend and a dorm student, would walk to the Pike to meet Emilie, who would walk to school from Sleepy Hollow, where her family lived in a farm house back behind where Glencairn is now (it was just a twinkle in RP's eye at this point in time).  Every day, they would meet up at the Pike and walk to school together.  I loved seeing those two high school girls together, they were both so lovely and they played off of each other so well, Lorna with her fair hair and Emilie with her dark.  They seemed to my starry 5th grader's eyesthe ultimate in beauty and grace.  Watching the two of them walk together to Benade Hall seemed to me like watching two angels, walking together, rapt in friendship. 

I always felt that when she married Carl Asplundh, Emilie was the bigger "catch."  She was the perfect foil for Carl - a strong woman who never seemed to dominate, but whose powerful presence was strongly felt.  A gracious hostess for a man building, with his brothers, a remarkably successful company, a loving mother and a good friend to so many.

In my mind's eye, I see her at a party they had after a trip to Hawaii. Emilie demonstrated to us the hula, which she had learned.  And in back of her towered Carl, burlesquing her every movement and bringing the house down with laughter.  That moment still epitomizes in my mind their remarkable partnership and love.

I cannot image the blow Carl's death must have been to Emilie.  It was so sudden,.  As I recall, after going to a party on Saturday night, he died in his sleep.  I can still remember the shocked gasp when the minister announced his death the next morning.  It just did not seem possible.   Much like I feel about Emilie's passing, even though it was far from unexpected or premature.

Am tired and must toddle, taking with me more memories of Emilie to share another time. 

Most people felt that Emilie was blessed by life, and in so many ways she was, but what made her a truly "golden girl" were the blessings she gave to life. 

Love to you all  –  Kay

In someone else's write 03/22/00

Emily Kessel Asplundh died the other day.  I have so many thoughts and memories of her, from when I was in elementary school to her 1999 Christmas card, filling my heart and mind.  Too much emotion to do anything other than just feel today.

Those feelings are distracting me - in a lovely, bittersweet way - from what I had intended to write tonight.   

Instead, I am going to cheat a little and talk about something that I did not write.  Just a short piece, it has absolutely nothing to do with Emilie, but has been buzzing about in my brain.   It comes from a book of daily readings that I keep on my bedside table and that helps keep me on my  toes.

Until I came across it in a daily reading, I had never encountered the idea of willed ignorance.  Had anyone asked me to explain it, I doubt I could have, but when I read about it, the whole thing made sense.   

Yes, naivete is charming and touching in the young.  It was a quality I thought was admirable in adults too, but now I can see the harm that is done with adults who balk at seeing what is right in front of their noses.

As I understand it, "willed ignorance" is intentionally not seeing what is right in front of us.  While it is occasionally done deliberately, it happens even more without our full awareness.  

  

For more years than I care to admit, I was an expert at closing my eyes to what was afoot, especially if went counter to my sense of what should be.  Even now, it can be a struggle to let myself see what is going on, let myself catch onto what is happening. 

There are a lot of perks to NOT seeing or catching on.  Life is so much easier, so much rosier, so much happier.  It helps us avoid what feels like danger.   

What I have to remember – and it is hard – is a quote from Helen Keller,  "Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure.  The fearful are caught as often as the bold." 

Be bold!

Love to all - Grandma L'

In my own write 03/21/00

A dear friend of mine wrote "Wether the wording is yours....or Elsa's....  it makes no  difference......IT'S YOUR MEMORIES AND/OR THOUGHTS that come thru."

It is interesting.  Of course, it is Elsa who puts my words into print ("Hi!" elm), but she takes great care to use my words and we always carefully review what I want to share before she starts tapping away at the keyboard and she hauls me into the computer studio to hear what she has written before sending it off. 

We certainly do have an unusual mother-daughter relationship.  It is one reason that Peter Buss' sermon the other day interested me.  He called a mother and daughter up before the congregation (I did not identify them from the audio tape, but I know from Elsa that it was Carol and Justine Brannon). 

He had lovely things to say about the "Rachel" ideals of being parent and child and I waited for him to fully address the "Leah" reality that it is the rare-rare-rare parent/child relationship that does not have tough going.  I waited to hear him talk about how relationships can seem to even be severed or damaged beyond repair, but the seed of love is always there, wanting to bloom.  But he did not.  I was disappointed and a little concerned. 

Not that long ago, I would have heard him and said to myself, "See, this is what relationships are supposed to be.  If my own family relationships are not that way, it must be my fault.  I am not nurturing the loving, supportive family God intended me to."  I would have felt downcast by the very beautiful picture he painted. 

Families can be wonderful sources of support and love, but let us be

honest in saying that families that are always upbeat and cohesive are few and far between.  And that is not necessarily a bad thing. 

Did you know that at one time, if a woman delivered a baby by Ceasarean section, her doctor had her deliver the rest of her children the same way?  The reason was that the stress of delivery could rupture the scar.  But the truth is that a scar - where skin has been torn apart and rehealed - is stronger than the original tissue.  So too, I believe, it is with families.  They can go through difficult times, the relationships can even seem torn apart, but when the people care enough to come back together, to listen and respond, to not do the same damaging actions or allow them to be done, then the family is

stronger than ever.

Much love to my online family & relations - Aunt Kay

Ideal/Real 03/20/00

This week's Contemporary Service was given by Peter Buss, a thought-provoking presentation on Rachel & Jacob & Leah.  There was a lot for me to ponder as I listened to the tape during dinner tonight. 

I tend to lean heavily on what Peter described as "Rachel truths" - truths that bring to mind lofty ideals.  I shied away from the less lovely "Leah truths" - those more mundane truths that help me see what is right in front of my nose, things that need to be done if I am to make the ideal real. 

To me, love was a beautiful, spiritual ideal and it was my privilege to  cherish it.  Now I know that love is first and foremost an action verb.  Love is beautiful & spiritual ~ and it can also be a rough road to hoe, messy, inconvenient and downright confusing.  Love is the fuel & the spark that makes my ancient world go 'round.

XOXOXOXOXOX - the Gramster