loyalty to principles (serious stuff) 10/13/00

A discussion on another list has me thinking about loyalty.  Here's an

abridged version of my most recent posting on this list.  Elsa edited it

to maintain appropriate confidentiality - - - - -

I, like so many people (especially women) of my generation,  was schooled to be loyal and positive, no matter what.  Decade after decade, it did me dirt.

Three years ago, on a trip to DisneyWorld, I first heard Stephen Covey talk about loyalty to principles instead of to people.  I had Elsa replay it over and over.  What a lot of grief knowing that earlier would have saved me.

Had I put loyalty to principles first and foremost, there would have been more confrontations - which made my stomach churn - in the short run and less chronic conflict in my life.  There would have been more disagreements, which frightened me, and clearer understanding. 

Putting loyalty to principles above people sounds simple.  It was not simple, it is not simple, not simple at all. 

Thinking about loyalty to principles lead me, in my rambly way, to

something Marianne Williamson said - - that we are intended to blow apart the status quo because the status quo is a killer.  That was another bit of audio tape that was practically worn out from playing and replaying.  What this has to do with loyalty to principles, I know not, but it came to my mind so I am including it.

I love Pete dearly, but there were times we were not in agreement – our happy blessing was having enough in common to make our relationship work. 

My children and I are not in agreement about everything - sometimes we have enough in common to make the relationship work, sometimes we do not. 

Over the years, my friends and I have not always been in agreement  -sometimes we have enough in common to make the relationship work, sometimes we do not.  

My organized church and I are not always in agreement -  there was and is enough common ground to make that relationship still work.  If it ever comes that I start staying in my church due to loyalty to the organization or to a cultural status quo rather than loyalty to the majority of its principles, it will be time to leave.

Nite-nite and God bless - - Kay

I dood it! 10/09/00

Early this year, it occurred to me that I have to live until Christmas – I have too many Christmas cards that need to be used. Yesterday, I realized that this Gramster has to live through at least the end of October 2001 because I want to go to at least one more Women’s Weekend.

I went to bed at 11:00 p.m. or later – well, that is not unusual for me – and got up both Saturday and Sunday at 6:45 a.m.   I usually get up no earlier than 9:30 a.m.!   

Instead of a long nap on Saturday, I chose to go into Woodstock and ended up with just a scant hour’s sleep.   

I ate a lot of great food, including lots and lots of luscious fresh fruit.   

When we got home last night after a second day with no real nap, I felt tired, but nowhere near bone-weary – and happy, very happy. 

The mountains were beautiful, the women were beautiful, the events were beautiful – every moment of every day was beautiful.

Hitting the road 10/06/00

We will hit the road this morning.  It looks like a grey day;  I have no idea what the weather forecast is for either here or up in the Catskills.  I am very happy, but I am surprised that I am not churned up with excitement.  This is what I am meant to do.

People who hear that I am going on this women’s retreat are full of “Go, girl, go!”  Think of me surrounded by interesting women in a place blessed by nature.

The last time that I was at Tonche was a visit with Pete to Willard and Gay’s, which we will drive past today.  I expect to have a lot of memories stirred as we nip past its front meadow.  It was a happy time.

This morning, Elsa asked me if she should pack my old shoes, since we are going to be doing some dyeing.  Keeping a straight face, I told her that I do not want to die at Tonche, I want to die at home*.  We both had a good laugh. (*and she did!  elm)

That joking triggered a memory of a dear friend who had been in his last days in a hospital, about as foreign a place for his woodsman soul as could be, but - by a remarkable turn of events – died in the embrace of his beloved mountains.

Which, in turn, triggered a memory from when Pete had collapsed boarding the homebound plane, returning from our visit with Betty and Paul and Dot, and a University of Pennsylvania physician saved his life (an airport is not a good place to die).  During Pete’s stay at Peninsula Hospital (blessings on those wonderful doctors and staff), I became friends with a woman whose husband had suffered a heart attack while gardening and had been resuscitated by the ambulance squad;  when he came to in the hospital, he was so unhappy because he would have loved to have died in his beloved garden, and instead he would die in a hospital.

One person I know who literally died well was Gay Pendleton, who died while out to dinner with one of her daughters in lushy plushy Palm Beach, after making a toast.  As Kirk said, “Mama went out with style.”  Good on ya, Gay!

Those thoughts triggered memories of so many dear people in my life who are no longer with us, at least physically.  Marjorie Rose, Cornelia Stroh, Viola Ridgeway – we would get together every Friday for cocktails before heading to Friday Supper;  Marjorie would always give the toast – “Here’s to the Church!  All else is bosh!”  Connie (Consuela) Rosenquist, with whom I went to Bermuda several times after Pete died.  Joyce Cooper.  Phil and Doris Pendleton.  George and Winfrey Synnestvedt.  Will Cooper.  Ros Coffin.  Kit Peck.  Marie Murphy.  Laurel Brettel. Ruth Heldon.  Willard and Gay. Benita Odhner.  Aunt Margie and “Aunt” Molly.  Al.  Dot and Bert.  Betty and Paul.  Amy.  Ian, our B-Boy.  Pete.  

It is strange to feel sad and happy at the same time.  Just thinking about these dear ones makes them alive in my heart.  A strange cascade of memories, all because of dyeing at Tonche.  No telling where the mind will lead this weekend.

Today, “Little Silver” (Elsa’s car – John’s is “Silver Bullet”) will lead us to the mountains.  We are supposed to bring favorite quotes with us – mine is, “This is the day the Lord hath made, we will rejoice and be glad in it.”  

That describes how I feel this morning, heading out on our adventure – rejoicing and glad.

Take care, my dear ones - CyberGram

John will be roughing it 09/05/00

Three years ago next month, John had to rough it for almost three weeks when Elsa and I went to DisneyWorld.  He is back to “batch’ing” it this weekend when his two womenfolk head up to the Women’s Retreat at Tonche.

Checking the pantry and fridge, it is clear that his wife has made sure he will at least have a few of his favorite things.  She whipped up a double batch of spaghetti for suppers, got him a bag of Tom Sturgis pretzels and a 12-pack of Coke.  I expect that the last thing she will do tomorrow morning  is make him a double batch of Paul Newman popcorn.

That last is a tradition that stretches back to their pre-wedding days.  Elsa would be overnight for several days, at a conference at Prudential’s headquarters in northern New Jersey.  The last thing she did before heading northward was to swing past 450 Pheasant Run to drop off something at his front door.

A couple hours later (I wanted to give the dear lad time to wake up), I rang him up and asked him to check out the front door.  A moment later, he was back on the phone, very puzzled (perhaps wondering if his future m-i-l had gone around the bend), saying no one was there.

“Did you open the door?” I asked. He hadn’t.  Back he went.

Another moment later and he was back on the line.  I could hear the big cheeky grin.  He had a HUGE covered bowl of his beloved pop corn, but best of all he knew he was his Oh Best Beloved’s last thought as she left.

My goodness!  I almost forgot the bag of fun-sized Milky Ways that are tucked away in the microwave as a surprise.  They should help him bear up until we head home.

Love to you all - Gocky