It has
been an interesting four days. I have
learned a lot about my daughter and a lot
about how businesses can operate. It has
been an education.
Instead
of trying to convey second hand what happened, I asked Elsa to do the honors.
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from Elsa
It was
last Wednesday that I hit the wall at work, when my psyche simply said,
"Hey, no more of this unhappiness.
It's time to stop."
On Thursday morning,
I realized if I went into work it would be to submit my resignation. So, I didn't.
Stayed at home. That night, I sent an e-mail to two of my bosses. It''s sort of hard
to argue with a mind that just says, "No more."
Yesterday,
I got a call in the afternoon from the VP in charge of Customer Service. He offered to transfer me back to my previous
division after I got everything
tidied up where I am. That sounded good
to him. For a moment,
it seemed a solution - not ideal, but a
solution.
It took me a while to
realize that what he was willing to do was very general. So, I zapped
off another note - written around 4:30 this morning - expressing my concerns. I got a phone call at 7:00 a.m. He wasn't too happy. He thought everything
had been resolved and that I'd be at my desk this morning. As far as he
could understand, the problem was simply one of getting in my car and heading
over to work. "You know how to get
here, so what is the problem?"
Apparently,
the man never experienced acute, unmitigating job stress.
I offered
up thanks for having realized that the "solution" wasn't as clear as it sounded
on Monday. He couldn't get that my
problem was putting an empowering image in
my mind to allow me to walk into the office without running screaming
back into the parking lot. I don't know
what threw him more - the way I
felt or the fact that I hadn't any qualms admitting it.
After
talking to him this morning, an unsatisfactory discussion on both ends, the solution
hit me like a ton of bricks. Instead of
trying to make an unworkable
situation work - impossible - crank it up a couple notches. My suggestion,
with the approval of John and Mom, was for me to put in an extra 2-3 hours
every day.
For the next 8-10 business
days, my work will be my life. John will handle all household
responsibilities, including shopping and meals
(I anticipate a lot of take out, laid in a supply of Lean Cuisine
& Healthy
Choice frozen entrees, and will take up Women's Guild on the offer of a
casserole). I expect to be at work until
8:00 or 9:00 each night and in bed by
11:00 (early by Lockphy Murphart standards).
I'll still get up withMom after
John comes to bed, but other than than, he will shoulder responsibility
for her care.
That
might sound looney, but it's the best shot at making it workable for me. Weekends are untouchable. I'm treating these
next 8-10 business days as if I submitted
my resignation today and am responsibly prepping my cases before leaving. Then, we'll see what happens. In the meantime, I certainly won't sit on my
hands. I'm checking out other
opportunities. The people I work for have
put in a lot of work doing their best to get me to stay. If they see my
value, other people will, too.
My whole
viewpoint has changed. They say that
adversity builds character - well, for
the next 8-10 business days, I'll have an incredible opportunity
to build
character and inner strength.
I've
enjoyed 3 out of the past 4 days off.
Monday was a bummer. Thursday,
I took Mom
out to lunch to my favorite business cafe near work. Friday, I worked on
unearthing our den. Yesterday, I felt
low - it was getting to me. Today,
John and I spent time together. We drove
down to Bachmann Industries and he dropped
off an assignment (an illustration of Track 9 3/4), then he took me
out to lunch afterward. Oh, and I've
requested that the company pick up 2 of
those 4 days - this whole thing could've been resolved by end of the day
Friday or Sunday at the latest if anyone had called me up to discuss it, instead
of waiting for yesterday afternoon.
Whether they okay it or not, at least I
put it on the table.
It helped
a lot knowing there were people all over the world hoping everything
would work out. We'll see how it goes,
but I have more hope now than I've
had for 7 weeks that I'll still be with my company by the end of 2001.
Mom's
gotten a kick out of this. She's
experienced how people tend to value us when
they know we genuinely value ourselves and what we offer. She's been fascinated
by the lack of passion and the depth of principle-based actions. She's
been amazed by how much time and energy some important people have put into my
sticking around. She's realized I didn't
care what my company ultimately
did or didn't do. There's a quote in the
April edition of Oprah's magazine
- "What we risk reveals what we value." I read that late Thursday afternoon. Thanks to the past few days, I understand
what it means and trust I'll
never forget.
I now
return you to Mom!
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I am
going to miss Elsa. It has been lovely
having her home for these past three
days. It has been an interesting
experience living in a house that should
have been filled with tension and worry and which was instead calm and filled
with serenity. I think that Pete would
be proud of his daughter - not of
her ability to get a good end, but that she stood up for principle in spite of
what the end might be. I am not looking
forward to her putting in long days
and I will be worried until her car drives up and she walks through the front
door.