“Why do we have a concept of aging as leaving one static, when really the growth keeps right on going, maybe right out of the ceilings of our cramped opinion?”
“As I write this I say to
myself, ‘Thank you, Lord, for letting me live long enough to enjoy the wonders of the magic of
e-mail.’”
Both of these snippets, from
replies to my last e-mail, boosted my confidence.
Just as little children
often think of their 30-year old parents as really old, not-so-young people can tend to think of
their older parents as sort of shutting
down as we age, gong into some sort of hibernation This old biddy believes that the Lord intended us to fully
live - whatever our physical or mental
condition - right up to the moment we traipse across the threshold of our spiritual home.
One of our greatest
challenges as spiritual beings having a natural
experience is the natural tendency to think in earthly ways. There is a lot about aging that is hard to grasp. Why do people have to go through the heartache of having our bodies break
down? Why do people, including my mother, have to go through memory loss and
disconnection with the present? Why do people have to
experience changing roles and shifting sense of
identity?
I do not have many thoughts
on the first two, although I do believe that both are related to helping us human beings shift
away from thinking from our body to
thinking from our spirit, but the last has become dear to my heart.
As I wrote yesterday, my own
children are all old enough to be grandparents.
That thought stopped me in my tracks.
It also made me realize how liberated
I am - there is not much that I can offer to "parent" them at
this point.
Parenting was a defining
role for me, along with being a wife.
When Pete preceded me over
25 years ago, parenting was the only familiar
role I had left and I clung to it.
My health allowed me to make seven trips
to Australia between the 65 and my early 80s, all of them lasting
several months. I loved those trips and the opportunity to be
Mum and Nan to my children and
grandchildren. When Kerry got home from
work, there would be a hot cuppa waiting
for her. I could be a sounding board for
my son, Mike. It was wonderful to do things with and for Scott
and Karen. I was in my element.
Back in
the USA, I hope our homes – whether on Alden Road, Cherry Lane or Woodland - were havens for my family. We often had prolonged visits from Peter and
Mim, which made my mother's heart
glad. Even after I moved in with John
and Elsa within a year of their marriage, it did my heart good to have my
other children stop by for visits, overnights,
and longer stays. It helped me know that
I was being truly useful because I was
doing for others.
My big challenge was sparing
the time and energy to think and act for
ME. The past few years have seen
tremendous strides in this department.
It might have been more
difficult to see the "up" side of my September 1999 stroke and severely arthritic right shoulder
if I had not already started the journey toward more personal awareness.
My body tells me every day
that it is only temporary. It is breaking
down. That is in the order of things,
however rotten it is to experience. I
take two strong pain pills a day and I
have wonderful doctors. I live in a supportive household with two
"youngsters" who love me and lots of stuff animals for comforting hugs. I have a daughter who brow beats and badgers
me to think for myself.
I, too, offer up thanks for
the blessings of e-mail, which allows my
thoughts to go with miraculous speed even though my body is relatively confined to the big chair in the
living room.
This time last year, I enjoyed taking a walk around the
block; now, I content myself with a stroll around the kitchen island. I cannot get up out of bed unaided because of my shoulder, which means many
calls throughout the night to John and
Elsa to help me get up to visit "Lamb" (my commode, so named because
at one point it followed me wherever I
went). Until my stroke, Elsa could
call from work after a rough day and ask
me to make dinner - no more. I took pride in cleaning up after supper - now John
does. But I can still shell hard boiled eggs and clean mushrooms!
Changing roles and changing
identities can be rough on everyone. It
can upset children, on many levels, to find that good
old Mom is not what she used to be. I consider my relationship with my children
one of my greatest achievements,
although I might not have thought so a few years back. Each
one of them has an independent life and life view. If they want to seek my company or stay in contact, that makes me
happy. If they are, for any reason, uncomfortable around me, then it is
better that they be true to that feeling
than hang around out of a sentimental sense of duty. I am proud that my children are strong enough to think and
act for themselves and that they see me
as a person rather than just their mother.
I thank the Lord that I am
still mentally and physically strong enough to
think about these matters. I
thank all of my friends for letting this old
biddy ramble on with my thoughts on life's evolutions. You bless my life - Kay
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